Political Flop Show !!

 POLITICAL MOVIE IN THE MAKING !!! 

Among a billion in this world's largest democratic nation, here is just another netizen trying to speak about the chaos, order and echo all around. Yes, it is the story of India, the fastest growing economic power, the initiator of the long forgotten Non-Alignment movement, the outright partners of the global superpower, the largest importer of weapons which is also a so-called peace loving nation. It is about the excellent growth story which thrives under the shadows of its elites and middle class covering less than 20 percent of the population. A story that has all the required Bollywood masala elements as well as cricket's celebrated moments to make it a global hit. 

     Indian Politics- A Bollywood Masala Film

Let's taste the spices of our Bollywood masala like action, comedy , romance (of-course songs and item numbers without which a Bollywood masala film is never complete) with a sprinkle of cricket's buzz elements in our great Indian story.

Skeptical about this strange relationship between the Indian growth story and our masala elements? Let's analyse and realize, how bizarre is the word "strange" in this comparison. It would no longer sound strange.

Action

We all have a craze for action packed scenes in our films. When a highly revered film star storms in during a crucial scene and makes the world, gravity free for a few minutes with the villains floating on the air, there is a loud cacophony in the theatres marking their support for their hero. When a highly talented god-like cricketer sizzles on ground with sixes, there are many who can bombard the Facebook database with laurels. But there is an indifference when it comes to interesting political sequences. May be there is no superstar, who can change impossible to possible, but there are political people who can break normalcy. May be there is no star batsman, who can hit sixes every ball, but there are political personalities who can get bowled out day in and day out.

Is it not interesting to watch their master strokes and public gaffes? Of-course there is a huge aversion to politics among the youth. Thanks to the rule of 60 years after independence, people don't rely on government. They try to live independently facing their issues on their own though the government is responsible for it. May be that is how our politicians equate Indian Freedom to. Thanks to the political parties that have been in power and tried to sell every bit of government's resource for the sake of its people- I meant the kin of the political leaders themselves.

 Anyway, the action sequences which entertain us in those filmy sets and the cricketing grounds do happen in our political battle field.  The great battle field is Parliament. (Oh no!! Am I disrespecting our parliament- the god in the temple of democracy!  Possibly I might get jailed for terming it that way. However, I guess, by referring it as 'god' I have given utmost respect than disgrace). The political parties and their leaders get their lips typing frequently "Parliament is supreme" and other quotes from the constitution  But the behavior of those responsible elites never come near respect. Have you seen the action sequences in the parliament? Have you seen the weapons being used on this famous circular hallway? Let me jot it down for you!

Money vs Vote

• Money- the most powerful weapon that can decide anyone's fate anytime. The parliament saw public display of the secret weapon during the N-deal discussion and voting.
• CBI- The incumbent government has the highly revered and biased investigative agency that can mimic what the government orders it to do. Any political party involved in some CBI enquiry for scams or charges of corruption are always pro-government. You know the reason!!
• Boycott and walk out - The non violent and legal one among the above is supposedly Gandhian. But the present Gandhi family has redefined it and used it to their advantage especially during some crucial voting that happened in parliament. The number of votes to pass a bill  or win the vote of confidence reduces when parties walk out. (During FDI voting SP and BSP walked out)

Walk out in support?

Though these exclusive scenes cannot be viewed daily, you can watch the political groups playing a wonderful game each day. The game is popularly known as "THE BLAME GAME" . The squabbles initiated by the communally powerful ones for resignation of tainted ruling ministers at centre and the retaliation from the centre by accusing the display of double standards when the opposition's party insiders are involved in money squandering, are a common scene on the news channels today. May be all we can expect from the party spokesperson is just a blast on the opponent and not a responsible convincing reply anytime. The ruling government's unrelenting attitude of covering up the stains instead of cleaning them up is to be applauded as they are taking immense steps for their own burial in the subsequent elections.

Let us see some of the the wonderful hits and misses in our political arena.

Have you seen a minister hitting a political sixer?

Have you witnessed a grand political opening similar to the likes of IPL?

Do you know the politically ordered players who can butcher the opponents with ecstatic  cover drives and miss a crucial catch in Ranji trophy and screw your own state?

So lets roll back few years and get some light about all the above players!!

Sixer or Stumped?

The so called game changer of Indian economics, the then finance minister of 1991 getting bored with the dipping strike rate of Indian economy , re-framed the rules. (Though it was not an innovative one and a copy of the western world's economic policy). It is considered as a political sixer even now even though the powerless third umpire (left parties) and far more audience (the whole section of poor) are doubtful if it was a skillful strike or just a dead ball that was blown out of proportion to a sixer. No one can write off the positives of socialism that empowers the poor (but the Indian government in pre-1991 era never followed or regulated the establishment of socialism in the country. It was just in the name.) and the dangers of capitalism that is visible in the form of disparity and farmer suicides that empowers the corporates. However questionable it might be, it was a milestone in Indian politics.

Obey or Be a Maoist!!

Just like IPL there was a huge grand opening. Though the grandeur has sizzled out in recent times, it was a perfect beginning. To hold back nothing more, it was about the Pariborthan woman who changed the politics in Paschim Bongo (WB). The anti incumbency was astutely utilized, the term 'Pariborthan' was  efficiently coined, (May be a copy of Obama's Change). delicate issues like singur were no more delicate rather deafening whimper of Communist party's political carnage.The support from west  for a change in a communist (anti-america) ruled state created a widespread fervour among people as well. The communists were routed in their bastion. Didi became the watchword among people but none one knew the Pariborthan queen's watchword would be Maoist. You are one, if you censure her autocratic regime. Anyway, that political battle changed the cliche of election results in Bengal once and for all.

Finally we have our players switching roles of heroes and zeroes at various circumstances. The one who can win for us and make us lose. Confused? They are our armed forces. (getting furious with such an allegations [as you might term it] ). This kind of flaying is intended to reveal some of the incidents that really doubt the credibility of these forces. Soldiers are symbols of sacrifice and Why do i have to come with such a critical remark? Am I anti-Indian,a Maoist, a disguised terrorist? or Am i jealous about the respect they get? That is how Indian media portrays when someone pans the soldiers. Of-course,  I would have a grudge against them if I had my close friend or a relative butchered by the saviors of this nation, I would certainly be envious of their celebrity status when the so-called protectors of the nation misuse their special powers to victimize an innocent citizen of this country. When the collective conscience of a nation can empathize with the victims of a terror attack and banish him to death, I don't understand why these innocent victims don't get the light of the day when their death is in the hands of our destroying saviors. Does it not call for similar punishment? Let us a draw a line here between a terrorist and a soldier. The armed forces are people entrusted to save the innocent which cannot be expected from the terrorists whose intention is only to kill. But when the terrorists kill, he doesn't spoil the reputation of the victims. But during fake encounters, the armed officials paint them with militant colour and  annihilate them.

Soldiers - Destroying Saviors ??

The family has not just lost a member but they are left with a bad  reputation in the society. It is a breach of trust, slain of morality which calls for more intense punishments.  ( I don't generalize all army officials, I truly bow to the sincere officers. I cant stop criticizing them when I read frequent reports of unrest in J& K to repeal AFSPA in the wake of unmarked graves in the valley).

Bloody action sequences to light hearted blame games, everything has a place in cinema and politics.

Humor

The great Indian election is the epicenter of the whole fun that can tickle us. Comedians are mostly politicians. The dialogues are poorly written that can turn out instant sensational news for the TRP craving media. Some irresponsible comments by our great politicians, not just make us laugh but also make us re-think on voting for those insane politicians. Here are few instances of parody that can be fun !!

Our Delhi CM was keen on eradicating poverty. You know how? Providing Rs.600 per month to a family of 5. She further adds on to say that it is more than sufficient for a family to meet its daily needs. I am seriously astounded by her ability to manage her household expenses with such a meagre amount.

What an idea Sirji :P !!

The ruling party to which our Delhi CM belongs should take that opinion into consideration and immediately cut down the salaries of our already rich MPs to a self-sufficient Rs.600 per month. Thanks Ms.Sheila Dixit for your idea!!

Did you all know about the latest fact from our finance minister? India has only 42 thousand citizens earning more than a crore. So India depends on its struggling middle class for its "Economic superpower" status. The unaccounted rich can have their money saved in swiz banks as Indian banks are not that safe for them. The finance minister takes pride in it and stands by his taxation policy. So it rather looks hilarious to see if there is proper accountability in the whole system and raises doubts if it is the accountability that needs primary acknowledgement or the modified tax slabs.

The most interesting report on our tantrums queen, the queen of statues of liberty of Dalits, Ms.Mayawati, has been in my mind for quite some time and I cannot control my laughter. She has announced that she wants to give a speech from Red fort on August 15th. I think she has not come out from the hangover of previous elections in which BSP claimed majority in UP. What can we expect out of her?

Vision 2020?

A statue of the greatest dalit protector of our times-Ms Mayawati on the streets of every city capital and also a garden of statues, privatization of Air India and become the sole proprietor of it so that she can use it to buy sandals, clothes, etc. Not to forget her garland made of money that is her favorite accessory. Wow What a visionary!!

How do I forget the intense humour that the right wing BJP is very good at! A program well scripted by media with a perfect marketing strategy that has garnered enough support bolstered by three dimensional trailers of the achievements (some virtual and some real) is something that has captivated the business model across all spectrums. The greatest host of the show is our ever non-apolegetic, the purest and sincere hatrick hindu emperor-Mr.Modi. Portrayed as the catalyst of growth, the state monitored massacre in 2002 riots was well orchestrated. Despite the doubts of match fixing with hindu radical groups to avenge the samjaudha express blasts, he has come out clean either through his political clout or his efficient marketing strategies.

Hole in Holographic 3D Trailer

So where is the fun element here? Yeah! There is something that can make you laugh out loud. Here is a party that projects the "Hatrick Hitler" as the Prime Minister who sincerely , in his campaigns, speaks of growth and claims himself secular through his Sadhbhavana Yatra (not to be forgotten, that he refused the holy Muslim cap that was offered during that Sadhbhavana Yatra as a symbol of friendship). While his colleagues and senior leaders are very dedicated to erect a structure that is going to benefit the whole nation. A structure that is as crucial to be a part of their manifesto is expected to be a safe haven for homeless, or a free and fully equipped multi-speciality hospital or probably a sustainable industrial estate that assures employment for many. Sorry guys , we were in dreamland all this time, but they are still in Ayodhya. A Ram temple possibly excavated by BJP in 1990s (pun intended) is going to be the panacea for all problems in the country.

Mr.Modi - When are foreign investments
coming for Ram Temple?

I probably think this as a serious humour since  I believe Indians have matured and view their campaign as an insanely animated  prophecy. Should you really vote for our Hatrick Hitler who plans to pray at Ram temple for growth?

Do you know about another possible hatrick hero of our country? Ofcourse it is our Mr.Honest, the honourable Prime Minister of India-Mr.Manmohan singh. Hopefully, the word 'hatrick' should imply some sarcasm in my otherwise non-sarcastic essay ( :P :P ).  If sarcasm doesn't have its place in reality,then all i can say is RIP India. Mr.Honest known for his aggressive independent decision making, known for his credibility by suing all corrupt ministers without media and opposition pressure should be conferred with another title as well- "The epitome of sacrifice".

Apology rejected by DMK?? 

He has sacrificed all the respect he had by becoming a silent spectator of scams and corruption and mouthing the scripts of the popular Gandhi of today's India. The latest of his sacrifice saga is the apology he made to the DMK for the CBI raids which comes when the whole nation expects his apology for a nine year corruption nexus with corporates and Gandhi family besides other burning national issues.

Romance

(Beware: Boring Romance!!)

Finally for all the romance you expect... there might not be a romantic hero like SRK to run around the trees or divine love like Devdas, etc. Romance in politics? Who is linked up with whom? Who has broken up recently? Let us see a short but boring story and find out the answers for these questions.

Blanketed by a clear azure sky, Upandra was walking with his head high. Upandra by nature is a play boy and celebrated for many years in the modeling field. Upandra, being quite popular, had many friends and foes in his field. Each of his colleagues has their own fan base, of which, two  of them named Spatika Yadav and Spatikavati were quite popular and both of them hate each other. There was a competition in a show and each one of them had to prove their popularity. Spatika yadav won over the hearts of the people followed by the other Spatika. But Upandra lost miserably inspite of his own popular status. However, in a bigger platform he has already proved his power. Upandra also had a crush on Spatikavati but after this loss, he wanted to make a bond wit Spatika Yadav. 

Spatika Yadav recently underwent a secret cosmetic surgery  at a subsidized cost. Upandra knew about it and started blackmailing about it. Spatika yadav gave in to have a relationship with him. The next scene opens with Upandra dancing to a duet wit Tarelika Sarawal (born to a famous Indian American industrialist) in a picturesque snow clad mountains of Swiss.The new film was expected to give Upandra a considerable mileage in his acting and modelling field. The pair has been making rounds in the media promoting their latest film. Spatika Yadav wanted to foil his new rise to popularity and performed an item number to woo people. Though there is a cold war between Spatikas and Upandra, they know when to support him so that their secrets are not revealed to the public. Though Upandra and Tarelika's relationship is portrayed truly professional, they are actually friends with benefits.  This is how Upandra's romance continues and we will have to wait to know if Spatikas kick Upandra out of their lives. So let us wait and watch for more romance and break up.

Credits to the following for the boring story:

UPAndra- UPA

SPatika- SP

Spatikavati- BSP (Mayavati)

Tarelika Sarawal- TAta,RELiance,EsSAR,WALmart

So in short, the actual political story is that UPA has backdoor friendship with SP and BSP. Though congress and SP are enemies in UP and despite SP's respect for Mr.Advani (as per recent reports) , the congress always enjoys their support during all crucial situations because of the cases against them (secret cosmetic surgery at subsidized cost) and UPA's weapon-CBI.

Professional Dealings?

There is also a romance between the top corporates like the Tarelika Sarawal (Walmart is a new addition) and the ruling government. This romance is quite evident with all the controversies surrounding those companies in Chattisgarh, Krishna Godavari region and the Walmart's lobbying reports. This romance transcends to profits in the banks of Switzerland (duets in snow clad mountains of swiz)  turning our currency black! These duets could be professional dealings between them, but no one can deny the land grabbing deals struck between the government and these companies (Land Compensation disputes have still not been settled in many areas so I term it 'grabbing' ). UPA romances its enemies as well as the corporates which pump in huge amounts of money for both the centre stage parties so that they can enjoy the support whoever is in power. So Where does this item number fit in? Item numbers may not be inline with the story, however, they play a crucial part in Bollywood masala films. The freebies that are offered are just like the item numbers.

Laptop or 'Goonda Raj' ?

No one directly asks for it but most of them like it when they are offered. Thus, freebies (laptops) offered by SP to woo people is the item number here in our political backdrop. Goonda Raj has popped up once again but Who cares? Item number is overshadowing everything else.

A perfect commercial film with all 'MASS' elements is what our Indian politics is made of. Let's watch out for more political drama.

So there goes the political Bollywood masala film with few cricketing moments. Just in convergence to our 2 hour long Bollywood films, So is this comparison, a 2 hour long story about our spicy Indian politics.